Getting married under 34 or even in one’s early 20’s has not been atypical, especially in the south. However, what is increasing is the number of divorces that occur within this young age group. Though, divorcing young does come with its own set of problems.
By the numbers
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, for women who were married before 24, 7.1% divorce. As they age, that number only grows with nearly a quarter divorced before 34.
Feelings of failure
For this young generation, their lives have been spent in constant competition for good grades, good schools and a good-paying jobs. However, when they factor in an early-age divorce, many who have been successful their entire lives feel like they have a “D” stamped on their forehead. They feel like failures, especially if they come from families not touched by divorce.
Unlike prior generations, this generation internalizes the divorce as a blow to their self-esteem. After all, their entire lives are on social media, and they fear what others will think and how they will be judged. Indeed, many go months without mentioning the divorce to friends and family members.
Dealing with stigma
There is no stigma with divorce, except that which we put on ourselves, and it is not a personality trait or characteristic. It is an action one took, not part of their being. Focus on who one has become, post-divorce. Think about what we learn from the process and how we evolved. After all, taking a stand for a better life is a personality trait that everyone should want.
Spend time working on oneself, post-divorce. This means accepting and growing. It means not being overly negative. Think about what a good friend would say, and say it internally. Self-compassion can help one move on more quickly.
Prepare a divorce narrative now
We know it is going to happen. At some point, we are going to have to tell our friends and family about the divorce. Los Angeles, California, divorcees should work on their divorce explanation narrative now. Memorize it. This will take the emotion out of it, but remember, no one needs a full explanation, so only reveal what is comfortable.